I was going through some old pictures today, and set them aside to put in a scrapbook. This was bittersweet because it is fun looking at old photos, but also makes me sad too, because I looked like a whole different girl. I have not been heavy all of my life. There was about a 15 year period where I managed my weight really well. I was definitley on the other end of the spectrum. It is quite traumatic when you go from one extreme to the other. Of course, it didn't just happen overnight. But still. Now that I am a woman who is plus sized and overweight, I have found that I am treated very differently. Doors that were once held open for me by men are now slammed in my face, or looks of adoration are replaced with looks of disgust. No lie! I am not trying to be mean with myself, but just telling you how it is. I cannot believe the discrimination against heavy people. It can be very depressing and hurtful, but you still go on with everyday life and try to do the best that you can.
This is a subject that really hurts my heart because I have always been super sensitive about my weight. I was a heavy child up until the age of 10, and then my mom took me to a weight doctor and I lost over 50 pounds. Before I lost those 50 pounds, the kids in school were so mean, and it has left scars for the rest of my life. They even nicknamed me "Big Bertha" in grade school. Through Jr. High and High School, I wasn't really overweight. I was about average. By the time I was 19, I had put on 40 pounds, and I was struggling to get it off. I joined a place called "The Diet Center" and lost 60 pounds. I discovered aerobics, which was very popular in the 80's. I started attending a class called "Danc-Ergetics" and became very fit. I managed my low weight up until I was 28 years old, and then started packing on the pounds. My Dr. put me on anti-depressants, and after that I just let myself go. I was no longer physically active and didn't care how much I ate.
I have not been thin since 1993. The picture you see posted here was taken in 1991. I think I weighed 125 pounds and was a size 5. Quite a difference. I still own that red dress and I just haven't had the heart to give it away. I keep thinking that someday I will be able to put it on again! I am still keeping the faith. Those days were glory days. I sang in a local band and owned many lovely dresses and outfits to perform in. And I still own every single one of them.
I do have to be honest about one thing. Sometimes the thought of being thin again scares me. When I was thin, I remember that a lot of girls/women were mean to me, and men lingered around like flies on poop! It can definitely be a double edged sword. Back then I got a lot of attention that I really didn't want. Sometimes to the point where it was kind of scary. BUT....I know I am older now, and if people want to dislike me just because I am at my personal best, that is their loss and their problem. My "true" friends love me for who I am on the inside, regardless of what I look like. It is vital that I get to a normal weight for my health. Looking good is just the icing on the cake!
So friends, I have been on both ends of the spectrum. I see how life is on each side. Being healthy and fit is definitely the better side to be on. I am slowly working my way back. :)
Here is what I had to eat today:
Breakfast-
2 scrambled egg whites
2 strips of turkey bacon
1 c. green tea
32 oz water
Mid-morning snack-
2 cutie oranges
16 oz water
Lunch-
Smoothie with 1 c. almond milk, 1/2 c. blueberries, 1 apple and handful of spinach
20 pecan halves
16 oz water
Mid afternoon snack-
10 baby carrots
16 oz water
Dinner-
3 oz. baked pork roast
3/4 c. green beans
After dinner snack-
1 c. fresh cut pineapple
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