Day 20- Bad Day

I really hate to write anything tonight because my emotions are very out of whack right now. It's been a terrible day. But I didn't want to skip writing in my blog just because I am "off." It started this morning at around 4 am. I woke up with a jolt to my stomach, and hurried to the bathroom. I spent most of the morning sitting on the porcelain throne due to a bad stomach. The only thing I can think of that made me sick was the creamy buckwheat cereal I had last night. I know I have been eating the same things over and over the past three weeks, so I am sure this is what triggered it. To make things worse, I had to miss the Zumba class that I was supposed to sub for my friend. I just didn't dare go! I messaged her and told her what was going on, and luckily she was able to make it to teach her own class. Wow....I felt so bad.

By around 2 pm I was feeling somewhat better, and the afternoon was fairly quiet. Then at 5:30, my husband and I were in the kitchen preparing dinner. He made burgers for himself and my son, and a piece of grilled chicken for me. I also made a tossed salad with imitation crab and a bunch of veggies. While we were working away, I said to him, "I think we should go on a cruise this Fall." His reply was, "You think you'll be all trimmed up by then??" (Meaning, think I'll be skinny??) WHOA. Are you kidding me? WTH? Not a good way to answer your wife. Needless to say I was pretty ticked off. But being the fiesty girl that I am, I asked, "You think you'll have hair plugs by then??" Oooohhhh then the war started. He proceeded to tell me that he has never seen anyone die from being bald, but he has from being overweight. WOW. What in the hell have I been doing the past 3 weeks?? I think he knows he screwed up big time. I would not eat the food that he cooked for me because I was so upset. Now, I don't want to bash on men here, but why is it that some guys always say such stupid things? And insensitive things? I was pretty proud of myself for the hair plug comeback! :) Ha ha. I know that I did put on my "want" list that I wanted to go on a cruise with my husband and feel sexy. But that was for ME, not for him. I am not doing this for him or anyone else. I want to tell all of you reading this that whatever goals you have in life, they should be for YOU.

I am so glad that I have an identity outside of my marriage. I love my husband, but I have so many extra-curricular activities that keep me busy and happy, and thank goodness I do! My first priority is my family, but I have other loves in my life too, like music, my home business and Zumba. I have not really calmed down yet about this falling out that we had. I seriously think that he doesn't think that he said anything wrong. I know he wants his "Barbie doll" wife back, but he is not Brad Pitt like anymore himself. We all change as we age, and I don't even know that I will look as stunning as I did back when I was thin because I have aged 20 years. That is life! We change. At any rate, it was hurtful. And he knows that now. Marriage. Such an interesting thing.

I did manage to eat some of the salad I fixed about an hour after dinner. So, I did get my dinner in. But I think that I am going to plan a cruise with some girlfriends now. Anyone with me? :) I know that my friends won't scrutinize me about my weight. I think a Zumba cruise sounds great! But Beto has to be on board! ;) I want to dance with him!

Sorry everyone, I hate to blog while I am upset, but I am just trying to keep it real. I will stay on this journey no matter how ANYONE makes me feel. This is for me, and me only. I cannot lose all this weight in 3 weeks. I probably won't be at my goal for quite a while. But that is ok. I know how good I am doing and that's all that matters.

I am going to go and read my kindle now. Reading is a sure way to calm me down and distract my mind from being stressed. Don't pity me, people. I am fine. Just had to vent. I will survive, one day at a time. And that day will come when I am at the place I am supposed to be in life. I will see you all tomorrow! Here is what I ate today:

Breakfast-
1 bowl brown rice crispie cereal
1 c. strawberries
32 oz water

Mid-morning snack-
1 c. green tea
16 oz water

Lunch-
Smoothie with 1 c. almond milk, 1/2 c. blueberries, 1 apple and hadful of spinach
16 oz water

Mid-afternoon snack-
25 almonds
16 oz water

Dinner-
Tosses salad with romaine lettuce, imitation crab, green bell pepper, tomatoes, carrots and low-cal Italian dressing
16 oz water

No after-dinner snack